Just Say "No"

We all like people who say “yes.” Unfortunately, at times, we all have to say “no.” Saying “no” doesn’t have to be an arduous, unpleasant ordeal; it can be a direct statement of your thoughts and desires, delivered honestly and professionally.

Forewarn people when you have devastating news.
When delivering unexpected bad news, warn the person by preparing them for it. It can be as simple as, “I’m going to have to give you some bad news.” Such an outright statement lets people prepare mentally and emotionally for the upset.

Be firm, fair, and nonjudgmental.
There should be no doubt that your “no” means “no.” Not “maybe.” Not “I’m not sure.” But “no.”

You don’t have to give lengthy explanations or excuses for your answer. They have the right to ask for your help, and you have the right to say “no.”

Find a kernel of good in the bad.
Not all “no’s” are created equal. And though some are more devastating than others, there is always a softer way of putting things. There may be information or insights that can be salvaged from the experience. Look hard for the grain of good.

Let the facts speak for themselves.
Show rather than tell. When delivering a “no,” reinforce your decision with the numbers and results in black and white. There is a reason for your response, right? Show it.

Offer alternatives and exceptions for which you’d change your mind.
If you can’t help the other person with their bad news, suggest alternatives. Consider the results the requester is seeking and think of other ways to meet those needs or criteria.

What you’re saying is that at this time and under these circumstances, you’re saying “no,” but at another time and under different circumstances, you might say “yes.”

Deliver worse news in person.
Don’t hide behind messengers and mediums — e-mail, memos, press releases, or rumors. The worse the news, the more important it is you deliver it in person. Not only will the individual or group be disappointed at the bad news, they’ll resent your lack of courage in delivering it face to face.

Remember the wisdom of Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Though you’ll have to say “no” on occasion, it doesn’t have to be painful or negative experience. Your attitude, approach, and expertise in handling these situations can show you to be an assertive, honest, and professional worker.

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© Dianna Booher, Booher Consultants, Inc.
Author of 42 books (Simon & Schuster/Pocket, Warner, and McGraw-Hill), Dianna Booher, CSP, CPAE, delivers keynotes, breakout sessions, and training on communication and life-balance issues. Her latest books: Speak with Confidence®, Your Signature Life®, Your Signature Work®, E-Writing, and Communicate with Confidence®. For more information on Dianna and her programs, visit www.diannabooher.com or contact her firm, Booher Consultants, Inc., at 800-342-6621.

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