Listening Until You Really Hear

When I do media interviews on communication topics, talk-show hosts frequently ask, “So what’s your best tip on being a good listener?” I try not to sound flippant with this answer: “ Make up your mind to listen.” The truth is we listen poorly because we have no intention of listening well. We’re too busy talking so that we feel understood. We’re focused on what we want to get done or heard. We have no time for others to interrupt us. To change that mindset, consider the following:

Clean Your Listening Filter
When the TV blares, “Let’s pause now to hear a word from our sponsor,” it’s our cue to go get something to eat. That mysterious voice on the airport tram says, “Please stand clear of the doors; they are about to close.” The voice from the rental car agency instructs, “Please leave your keys in the car.” After a time, we do not hear these announcements at all. Likewise, executives often filter any advice given by an outsider. Managers may filter suggestions given by certain employees. Customers may filter any ads from a company that has disappointed them in the past. Built-in filters save us time––but others prevent opportunity and understanding. Continually upgrade your ability to determine which are which.

Listen for What Is Not Said
Why did the person decide not to tell you a particular fact? Why did the manager not mention the project delay? Why did your spouse not mention the issue with your teenage son? Why did your coworker not ask your advice about the problem? What’s not said can be as revealing––and as important—as what appears in the headlines.

Avoid Listening as a Retreat
Pretending to listen takes less energy and requires no reflective talking; retreating is a mental recess. People you’re “listening to” often will not be fooled. They may continue to carry the conversational ball, but afterward they will feel let down, if not resentful.

When we don’t listen, we lose.

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© Dianna Booher, Booher Consultants, Inc.
Author of 42 books (Simon & Schuster/Pocket, Warner, and McGraw-Hill), Dianna Booher, CSP, CPAE, delivers keynotes, breakout sessions, and training on communication and life-balance issues. Her latest books: Speak with Confidence®, Your Signature Life®, Your Signature Work®, E-Writing, and Communicate with Confidence®. For more information on Dianna and her programs, visit www.diannabooher.com or contact her firm, Booher Consultants, Inc., at 800-342-6621.

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