Body Talk

When it comes to face-to-face communication, when both message and messenger are laid bare before the listener, there is less room for misunderstandings that often occur in other mediums. Yet many face-to-face messages go misunderstood everyday.

Since few gestures convey meaning in and of themselves; they have to be interpreted in clusters. The real meaning comes only with context and as exhibited by a particular individual.

Look over before you leap in.
Before you decide to risk too much on reading body language, establish what’s normal for that person or group. Chat with them on a neutral subject to get a reading of their normal mannerisms before you try to interpret how they react to something controversial.

Robert may always sit with his arms folded across his chest, Sandra may never make steady eye contact when speaking, and Joe may wear a constant smile whether he’s happy or indifferent.


Maintain an appropriate distance for the message you intend.
Edward T. Hall has done extensive research on proper distances in American culture. Personal distance, from 1 to 4 feet, is appropriate for conversations you don’t want to have overheard—like a problem shared in confidence.

Social distance, about 4 to 12 feet, is comfortable when conversing with others when you don’t mind if people overhear—at a cocktail party or in a sales presentation to a customer. Public distance, farther than 12 feet, is used to establish formality and control when speaking before a group.

Awareness of these differences prevents you from making others feel as if they’re being either “invaded” or ignored.
Tune in to voice tones.
People with a high-pitched voice give the impression of being nervous, immature, or lacking in confidence while people with a low pitch sound confident and competent. We typically expect low pitches in the boardroom.

Just as a conductor alters voices to achieve different moods, styles, and receptivity, so you too can modify your own voice once you become aware of your pitch. A slow rate of speech implies well-chosen words and underscores the import of the message. A faster rate of speech creates interest and demands attention.

Keep a steady eye out.

Locking eyes with another can say to the other person that you’re interested in them, that you think they’re important, that you believe in what you’re saying, or that you believe it’s important they hear what you’re saying.

On the other hand, withholding eye contact can say to others that you don’t think they’re worth getting to know, that you’re not interested in them, that you’re lying, or that what you have to say is of little consequence.

Eye contact is so powerful in our culture that one can use it to summon a waitress, reprimand a subordinate, or quiet a noisy room. It can be your greatest tool in building—or weapon in destroying relationships.

Understand body talk. A message heard and not seen is only half communicated.

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© Dianna Booher, Booher Consultants, Inc.
Author of 42 books (Simon & Schuster/Pocket, Warner, and McGraw-Hill), Dianna Booher, CSP, CPAE, delivers keynotes, breakout sessions, and training on communication and life-balance issues. Her latest books: Speak with Confidence®, Your Signature Life®, Your Signature Work®, E-Writing, and Communicate with Confidence®. For more information on Dianna and her programs, visit www.diannabooher.com or contact her firm, Booher Consultants, Inc., at 800-342-6621.

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